my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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