My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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