I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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