I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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