Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
