I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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