Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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