What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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