Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
