do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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