Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Randomize
