Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
