You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
