Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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