dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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