so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
