As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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