Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
she told me i tasted like america
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
