I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
