This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
it glows. i had to have it.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
