She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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