How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
