Plan B is the new Plan A
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
