Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
