good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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