direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
