we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
