1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
