6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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