Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
