i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
