Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
