I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
