Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
