Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
