I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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