Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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