Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
the liver wants what the liver wants
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
