who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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