He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
