I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
