i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I need to stop coming to work sober
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
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