There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
