i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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