She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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