Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
