I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
