Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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