I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
worst night to have a conscience
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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