well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
