woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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