He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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