relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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