I murdered the dance floor call the cops
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
