think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
