Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
farters have to be the big spoon...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
