just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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