The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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