Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
