Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
