Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
