I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
