she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
