wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
