I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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