it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
