New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
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