Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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