She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
