Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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