Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Is her dick bigger than yours?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
