This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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