Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
