That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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