Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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