Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
