They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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