Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
