My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
